Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Don't Stop 'Till You Get Enough

Well you have all seen me complain about how hard it is to get back into the routine of regular training, so this post is NOT going to be about that. My life took a lot of turns in the last few months, and I'm starting to fall back into my normal schedule. I can feel it. I had this really awful epiphany the other day. Someone was sitting there asking me about running, and I felt like the biggest hypocrite talking about it. I was embarrassed to even admit that I hadn't been pushing mileage like normal. I felt shame, so I lied. Nothing major, it's not like I was bragging about an 18 miler I did yesterday but I fibbed that I run about 3-5 days a week. Bold face lie. I haven't ran regularly since probably January, so maybe I RAN 3-5 days a week way back when.

So there that is. Do you still respect me? I have lost a little dignity-but not much because let's face it, I'm AWESOME. I started to think that I hadn't really done anything to be proud of that was not work related in the last few months. That sucked. Ew.

Well, bottom line is I had been setting my alarm every morning to get up wicked early to just run. I don't know if it's the fact that it's been cold, or that I'm super tired or that my trail is no longer just a quick jaunt away-but every morning I snooze until I am almost close to being late for work. So I faced the facts: I am not and will never be someone who gets up to get more tired. It's a terrible cycle to schedule your run the morning, skip it and then not have time in the evening to run because you arranged for other things. Definition of insanity right? Continue to do something expecting the same result. I love to run, but I'm also an overworked, exhausted 20-something who loves her cozy bed.

So I finally retired to the idea that if I'm gonna train, I'm gonna train in the evenings. The days are finally getting long enough to have even a little daylight most days by the time I leave work. Last night, it was overcast and started to sprinkle freezing rain but I forced myself. It's so hard get the boulder rolling, especially if that boulder has legit been hibernating and eating pizza and crap for months, but once that boulder is rolling-you can't stop it. See this what ye call a meet-tee-fore and I'm the boulder.

Last night, I asked Goliath if he was up for a RUN! and his little nubbin went-a-waggin. Precious. We piled in the car, and drove to our new trail-yes we have to drive. I'm just not comfortable running there because it would be on city streets, and I can't deal with anxiety cars cause me. I digress, where was I? So we arrive to the trail, get all geared up and walk to the blacktop. It was cold, and it really took everything in me to just CONVINCE myself that I would warm up. I knew I would, but I also knew that my house with tons of blankets and hoodies would be warm, and probably easier. Then I thought, you know what's NOT easy? Being fat and unhappy.

Why the heck am I so bent of finding the easy way out right now? It's a lot easy to be glorified as a runner, but not actually run. It's a lot easier to stay in bed, and not actually run. It's a lot easier to pretend to run, and not actually run. I guess in a lot of respects things are so very difficult for me personally and professionally right now, that I so badly want something easy. No matter how hard I train and how much I love it, running will probably never be easy for me. It may sound really cyclical and incidental, but although hard, running does make my life easier. So it needs to be a priority. I know, I know I've said it before. So it's up to me if I actually do it, but I needs to be. Whether it is or not, is one thing.


Jana from Running Vegetarian said...

Posts like this remind me that we are all human and we can't be perfect all the time.

Posts like this remind me that other people struggle too and that I am not alone.

Thanks for sharing!

ashley & sundance said...

FRIEND!!! I'm so glad you're getting back into your routine. Life sometimes gets in the way and likes to screw with our heads (and waistline)! Remember NO one is perfect 24-7.

Steph said...

I have resigned to being an evening runner too now that the sun is shining longer. I CAN'T get out of bed in the morning...at least not consistently.

Glad to see you back!

KT Bee said...

oh hai love. I'm glad you posted this. sometimes the way is hard, and taking the easy way out seems so...easy. I'm totally with you on that one. here's to the courage to take the harder path! ♥