Self evaluation is a necessary tool when you want to accomplish goals. Last night, I was doing some like totally serious thinking-shocking, I know.
How did I get to this point again? Why do I feel so terrible about myself these days?
I haven't been able to come up with a solid reason, no real excuse for myself. So instead of letting my head explode from thinking, since I don't do that very often. I took Big G out for a runnaroo. I am starting to embrace the new trail, it might not be what I want-but it's what I need right now: a short, quiet, lonesome path.
The note I left for the Mr.
Despite the note, we crossed paths on my way to the trail. We both rolled up, rolled down the windows and I shouted "I'M RUNNING AWAY AND I'M TAKING THE DOG!" The eye roll that my comment was met with was legendary. We drove off and found ourselves quickly finished with two miles in the time it took to drive to the trail. Running with a dog really helps you to enjoy the experience. Sometimes, I get really caught up and obsessed with ABILITY and SPEED that I lose focus and rarely enjoy myself. When I run with Goliath, he stops to smell the pheromones. He looks at every passerby and gives them a wag. That is what I want, I don't want to look like a miserable runner punishing myself for my caloriesins. I want to BE a joyous jogger taking in the minutia of the outdoors and sweating out the day's stresses.
Immediately after our run, Goliath was so tired he couldn't even stay seated for a decent picture
Thinking about this last night helped me blast through four miles without taking a break. Which is a rarity for G and I, he didn't even stop to pee on things. WOWSAS. Anyway, we finished our four miles in about 38 minutes, which is a nice steady pace and slow enough for us to enjoy ourselves but not be completely exhausted for the rest of the evening.
I even wore my garmin last night. That's how I know I am starting to feel like the old me again. I went to upload my data, and pulled up my training center and was shocked. My last garmin upload: 10.16.10. The Marathon. Seriously. Then the answers to my previous questions instantly came to me.
How did I get to this point again? I gave up on me after the marathon.
Why do I feel so terrible about myself these days? The marathon was suppose to be my door into my new life. It was suppose to be this monumental thing for me, and it was an extremely disappointing experience. My self esteem took a devastating blow, and it's taken me eight months to subconsciously recover and move on. I am still emotional over it, I read through my posts about the race and my eyes swell up.
My ego is bruised, much like my knees from volleyball.
So like I said, self evaluation is important, even if it takes you several months to diagnose the issue. I have been blaming my hours at work, and my busy schedule. The truth is, I was scared and kinda hated myself. The other truth is, if you love something enough there is always time for it. The other other truth is, how good do those enchiladas sound? We were getting too real there, had to take it a step back.
WHAT IS SOMETHING YOU'VE REALIZED ABOUT YOURSELF RECENTLY?
HOW OFTEN DO YOU SELF EVALUATE?