Give Me Everything

Self evaluation is a necessary tool when you want to accomplish goals.  Last night, I was doing some like totally serious thinking-shocking, I know. 

How did I get to this point again? Why do I feel so terrible about myself these days? 

I haven't been able to come up with a solid reason, no real excuse for myself.  So instead of letting my head explode from thinking, since I don't do that very often.  I took Big G out for a runnaroo.  I am starting to embrace the new trail, it might not be what I want-but it's what I need right now: a short, quiet, lonesome path.   

The note I left for the Mr.

Despite the note, we crossed paths on my way to the trail.  We both rolled up, rolled down the windows and I shouted "I'M RUNNING AWAY AND I'M TAKING THE DOG!" The eye roll that my comment was met with was legendary.  We drove off and found ourselves quickly finished with two miles in the time it took to drive to the trail.  Running with a dog really helps you to enjoy the experience.  Sometimes, I get really caught up and obsessed with ABILITY and SPEED that I lose focus and rarely enjoy myself.  When I run with Goliath, he stops to smell the pheromones.  He looks at every passerby and gives them a wag.   That is what I want, I don't want to look like a miserable runner punishing myself for my caloriesins.  I want to BE a joyous jogger taking in the minutia of the outdoors and sweating out the day's stresses. 

Immediately after our run, Goliath was so tired he couldn't even stay seated for a decent picture

Thinking about this last night helped me blast through four miles without taking a break.  Which is a rarity for G and I, he didn't even stop to pee on things.  WOWSAS.  Anyway, we finished our four miles in about 38 minutes, which is a nice steady pace and slow enough for us to enjoy ourselves but not be completely exhausted for the rest of the evening. 

I even wore my garmin last night.  That's how I know I am starting to feel like the old me again.  I went to upload my data, and pulled up my training center and was shocked.  My last garmin upload: 10.16.10.  The Marathon.  Seriously.  Then the answers to my previous questions instantly came to me. 

How did I get to this point again?  I gave up on me after the marathon.

Why do I feel so terrible about myself these days? The marathon was suppose to be my door into my new life.  It was suppose to be this monumental thing for me, and it was an extremely disappointing experience.  My self esteem took a devastating blow, and it's taken me eight months to subconsciously recover and move on.  I am still  emotional over it, I read through my posts about the race and my eyes swell up.



My ego is bruised, much like my knees from volleyball.

So like I said, self evaluation is important, even if it takes you several months to diagnose the issue.  I have been blaming my hours at work, and my busy schedule.  The truth is, I was scared and kinda hated myself.  The other truth is, if you love something enough there is always time for it.  The other other truth is, how good do those enchiladas sound?  We were getting too real there, had to take it a step back.

WHAT IS SOMETHING YOU'VE REALIZED ABOUT YOURSELF RECENTLY?
HOW OFTEN DO YOU SELF EVALUATE?

Cream Cheese Enchiladas

Do you ever bite into a food and immediately regret it? Not because it's so high in calories you might have to break out the elastic pant suit, but because it's so deliciously good you are already sad that it's going to be over soon. It's so sick-emotional ride I put myself on every time I make cream cheese enchiladas. But DARNIT, I love them, just hate to see them leave. It's such a simple little pleasure, that causes world's best mouthgasm for me. I don't need all those crazy spices and your rare and interesting vegetables for foreplate (get it?! omg so clever). Gimme the bare bones, simpleton foods and I'm yours for the night.

Cream Cheese Enchilada Melt Down
-1lb of lean meat of your choice: I usually shred chicken, but these are ground beef
-1 package of cream cheese
-1 can of fat free re fried beans
-Enchilada sauce, you can get the cans-I make my own but top secret recipe
-1 bag of Mozzarella cheese
-Tortillas, the above are white corn tortillas

Easiest things ever: cook your meat, season as desired (I saute in coarsely diced onions and garlic and season with cumin, and pepper). Get a ginormous bowl, add meat, cream cheese, beans and your desired amount of enchilada sauce, I usually add about 1 1/2 cups. STIR!! Grab a glass 13x9 baking pan, spray with cooking spray. Grab a tortilla, fill with a spoonful of mix, roll up and REPEAT. Fill the pan, cover the rolls in more enchilada sauce and sprinkle with moz cheese. Baked for about 25-30 mins at 350 degrees, on until cheese is all melty and gooey.

Eat your little brains out.

Race Recap: Trolley Run

The Bosky Blog is celebrating three years of racing ya'll!

On April 17th, I ran the Trolley Run the historic four mile road race through Kansas City, Missouri.




If you read and actually comprehend what you are reading, you recognize that the date is the immediate date after the Oz Marathon.


So yes, I ran two races in a row. You might say? So? I run two days in a row all the time. Yeah, suck it-so do it. But do you run 13 miles with headwinds of 32 mph and then road race the next day? If you said yes, please shoot me an email with you address so I can personally come punch you.


It was an accident really, just poor planning-but looking back there's no way I'd not run either of these races -AND- it was the perfect way to celebrate my RACERVERSARY!

I roped Emmers into running it with me, and she had a marathon of her own the day before: PROM. What a good kid, she was able to get up at 7am and run a race with me the day AFTER Prom. 17 year old Julia wouldn't have been able to do that.

I've have done a recap on this race before, I've ran it twice. I know the course-but this year, it was hard. It was really cold, I was really tired and sore. We didn't warm up or stretch. The second the gun went off I wanted to stop, I felt huge. My calves ached and my quads were cramping. It was ugly. I bore this for a mile before my stomach gave in and started cramping too. I forced us to walk, Emily too. She wanted to go on but I used some very stern colorful language and reminded her that I paid for her to run this with me.


It was not an easy race for me this year, you'd think after three years it would be cake. It's a lot easier for me to forget the pain with headphones in, and I told Emily I wouldn't wear them-but halfway through the race I couldn't do it. So just like in the Gobbler, I turned the speakers on to my phone and played my running play list for the whole race to hear.

We danced the rest of the way, and despite having to stop a few times to knock out leg cramps. It was an okay race. I hate feeling like I coulda done better-but as with any race, I was happy to finish, even after three years.

A Heart Like Mine

Do you have a snack drawer at work? I do and I don't. I am hesitant to call it a "snack" drawer, it's more like my "emergency food" drawer. Knowing myself well enough, I can not keep snacky foods-or bingeeasy foods within an arms reach. In my EFD, or Emergency Food Drawer, I have:

Oatmeal
Almond and flax seed granola bars
Emergen-C
Green tea
Chai tea
Bottled Water
A coke
Sweet tarts and bottlecaps
Canned pineapple

Something I rely heavily on is GREEN TEA. I swear to my Nikes, it's heaven sent. My appetite hulks out sometimes, especially when my mileage is high and my sleep is low. Don't get it twisted, I eat but sometimes there is no reason for me to eat and I'm still hungry. Cue: Green Tea!

Ta-Da!

I could drink gallons a day, I lurv it. But that wouldn't be good, especially since that goes against my new VIVA LA MODERATION campaign. You might think it's all hokum, but I 100% believe that green tea is excellent for your health-and I'm not only saying that because it curbs my appetite and prevents me from consuming 832075 calories between 3PM-5PM. I have done a fair amount of research, and no not just on google. Unfortunately, there isn't a lot of conclusive data because a lot of the cultures that drink green tea regularly also consume a lot of other foods that could lead to very similar findings. That is to say: is it the green tea or the high fish low carb diet that lead to decreased incidence of coronary artery disease? I was going to bore you with statistics and clinical study findings, but this ain't that kinda blog.

Green tea or no green tea, there is no magic key to weight loss. But maybe believing in something is the key? All of us put faith into tiny little things and convince ourselves it's the reason we succeed. I drink my green tea, and because I read somewhere so long ago it MAY boost my metabolism I FEEL thinner. There's no harm if it actually doesn't, but that's not what matters. What counts is the idea, is me feeling thinner. WE, and yeah that's in CAPS because I KNOW YOU do it too, all have our little things our little mantras our little neuroses that keep us on track.

I may do some clinical trials of my own regarding lack of sleep and my green tea consumption. That might the warning on the back of the box. Possible side effects may include but are not limited to: Euphoria, Loss of appetite, lower cholesterol and inability to sleep after drinking 32 ounces. My sleep disruption could have been the early evening walk I took G-Skillz on, but I'm still leaning towards the excessive caffeine.

What really sucks is when you can't sleep and have to wake up at 5am to run with this guy....

Don't let that smile fool you, he makes you get outta your warm cozy bed just to run!
WHO DOES THAT?!?!?!

WHAT'S IN YOUR SNACK DRAWER?
DO YOU HAVE A "GREEN TEA" MAGIC KEY TO WEIGHT LOSS?

Race Recap: Oz Marathon

Check it: Motivated to Blog!


So as you all know, I had intended my next full marathon to the Olathe or OZ Marathon this April. I had ideas of grandeur...but SHOCKER! never had the time to train...or the balls. You decide. I don't really care.

But it's a tradition race so I had to run it. Can something be a tradition if you've only done it once? I think so. Anywhoo, last year a bunch of internerd gal pals planned to run the various distances and do a Weight Watcher Boardie Meet and Greet. Unfortunately, plans fell through and tires bitches and prevented us from all meeting, we missed you MeaMea. This year, 2011, was going to be OUR year. Meagan was on board, and had roped in Becky. We were all set, and I was so stoked. Fate stood in our way again in 2011. You don't need to tell TBB that family comes first, and that's where your e-running buddies needed to be that weekend.

Last year's troops, LtoR: Anna, Megan, Moi, Megan and Colleen, all WW boardies

So ever-so-faithful Megan B. (now H!) and I became to duo ready to conquer the flattest course on earth...again...for the second time...because it's a tradition.


We begin every race weekend with a carbalicious dinner out. Last year, we went to Sweet Tomatoes this year we maxed at the Olive Garden, or the affectionately named "OG." I am proud to announce I had eight bread sticks.


The next morning, Megan made her way to mi casa and we were off. We arrived out at the garmin head quarters-which bee tee dubs is starting to feel like home with all the races I do out there. The second we got out of my car, we were miserable it was thirty something degrees and there was a whipping wind that made it hard to see, let alone walk.

IT WAS MISERABLE.

By gun time, Megan and I were already to go home and crawl back into a cozy bed. Not that should be any surprise to anyone...that I wanted to go back to bed. The gun went off and so did we. Straight into the wind. We ran for four miles with a headwind that did not let up. My headphones we so loud to counteract the roar.

Rick Rolling

After four miles, we turned right and it broke the wind for half a mile until we turned left again and we were back into the wind. The front eight miles were all the same, Megan jokes that the front half of this course gets lost. You literally run loops in parking lots and feel like you are going no where and BAM! you're halfway done.

Finally around mile eight is when we entered the residential miles and the houses were blocking the wind. Suddenly my ipod was SO LOUD and I could feel the sweat down my face. Each drop stung because my pores were so widen open and chapped from the wind.

There were so many funny costumes because it was Wizard of Oz themed, but no one cared. Everyone was miserable. I have never been in such a miserable race. Usually there's a rapport between runners, people will chat or shoot the wind. But all anyone wanted to so was literally shoot the wind.

thirteenth inning stretch

Last year, Megan and I came upon the finish and I was a quarter mile away and puked. I insisted she go on and finish. True to tradition, a quarter mile away Megan hit a wall and insisted I go on on. So despite running the entire thing together this year, we are yet to finish together.

LAST YEAR VS. THIS YEAR

We ghosted the second we were finished. We didn't grab food, the basically had to force us to even take water. All we wanted to do was leave. We stayed long enough to snap our finish line photo.

...and as ALWAYS it was time for us to repay our massive caloric debt. Our creditor was First Watch. I was in some weird I NEED TO BE HEALTHY kick and ordered eggs, barf. They weren't good, I wanted pancakes. I don't know what was wrong with me. We ate, but were just so drained. The restaurant was busy, but the wind was so deafening that it seemed quiet. Oh, and we were freezing. All I wanted was to get into a hotttttt shower.

Which ultimately I did, and that's how the story ends.

OH! and I DO NOT know our time, I haven't even bother to look. I don't care.

Party All Day, Party All Night

So I was flipping through some pictures of me from like six months ago, and I was like "DANG! I looked good!!" I feel like a flat jiggly flobbity blobbity all over again. All cards on the table, I know it's because of the following things:

1. I haven't been running or cross training like I use to because of work

2. I have continued to eat like I am doing the aforementioned.

3. My alcohol consumption has gotten exponentially high

4. The first three make me so tired and groggy all the time that I can barely function.

5. Goliath hurt his paw, so duh I don't want to run

6. My trail is miles away and the replacement trail sucks.

so the equation is this: work a floppity bajillion hours + no sleep + boozey joozey-my favorite running buddy -my favorite trail = fat jules.

Don't get me wrong, since January a week hasn't gone by where I haven't ran, but my mileage just isn't where it use to be. My average has gone from 35 to maybe 15? I am keeping up with my race schedule, just not really training. Which...is WAY lame. All the glory, but none of the pain right?

So I am making a game plan, and I am getting my booty in duty. That could be a poop joke...but running IS a poop joke. Right now, I am getting my diet in check. I need to buckle in to the caloric restriction table and enjoy my time there. My weeks partying with the binge benders has made my pants tight.

look at me and my nutrient rich foods!

I am really trying to focus on my food and finding and maintaining balance. Sometimes, I was I could be hard on myself. I don't beat myself up when I eat ice cream or bacon, which by the way, I have done every day for three days. I am never very strict. I enjoy wiggle room in my diet, but I think I may enjoy wiggle room in my pants more.

mmmmm....honeeeeeyyyyy....sugar

I this I that I who? Are you over me talking about myself and using the letter I so much? WILL YOU TELL ME WHAT WORKS FOR YOU?? What gets you focused when it comes to cutting pounds? Tell me! Tell me!

Don't worry, that coffee has no whiskey in it, despite my best efforts.

This is what I am doing:

1. Really cutting back on sugar, I am a sugar fanatic. I know that I will likely never be able to cut it out entirely, but I went 7 FULL days without even putting honey in my coffee a week ago. So I know I can do this.

2. Revolving my meals around nutrient rich, dense foods.

3. Drinking only water, green tea and coffee before 7PM. Gatorade is allowable on long-run and race days. I was drinking pop this weekend-WHO AM I??!

4. AFTER 7PM, Alcohol will be allowable. I am giving myself a balance of 5 drinks a week to use in any fashion. I can ration myself one drink five nights a week, or five drinks one night a week. Don't judge me.

5. If I go over my balance, there will be consequences. Every drink over my 5 drink balance is 30 minutes of additional cardio I *MUST* do the very next day so as to avoid over indulging.

In other news...

The Bosky House has an empty room, what should it be?
An office?
My personal yoga and dance studio?
Clothing optional hang out?

You tell me.

p.s. spell check isn't working for some reason, judge for my blatant errors.

BOO!

When you say, "I will blog when I have time!" you never will blog.

I know it's been a while, so what you need to know is: I am alive, Goliath is alive, we are rockin and rollin and Wiz Khalifa is all over our running playlist.

I have some race recaps to type up...but to be honest they will never happen.

So gimme a mulligan on the last few months, I am still struggling to keep my head above water!

Here are some photos to make you happppppppyyyyyy:

/BLOG FAIL

Critical Times

This makes my morning yoga difficult

SUPPORT TEAM KC REGAP!

Please take a minute and visit my fundraising page for this year's Hoofin' it for the Hounds!

Ya'll helped make last year such a success, so let's make this yeara good one too!

CLICK HERE!

Back in Your Head

Ugh, I feell.....sooo....slooooooooooooooooooooooooooow

I was out running, I know-shocker...and I felt like I was going wicked fast, but according to Garmin, I wasn't.

I know speed is the first to go when it comes to losing fitness, so I gotsa work on that right now. Especially since I stupidly signed up to be on my company's distance medley relay team. And guess what? I'M THE FREAKING MILE ANCHOR. ugh.

I don't want to look foolish, and let my co-workers down so to get the tempo up I did a fartlek work out on Friday. Those really help my see where I'm at and an easier (for me at least) way for me to build speedy endurance.

That is key: speedy endurance.

The definition? The ability to quickly run forever.

That should be a t-shirt.

My weekend was beautiful. here are some pictures:

I smoked some spare ribs

made angry faces

my flowers bloomed

I took G to an off leash dog trail

Rerevisiting

So as a refresher here are the goals:

Lost 10 lbs and see the 130s

Strength train twice a week

Run two full marathons

Average ten hours of volunteering a month

Study the Bible with someone

Make three new friends

Finish school

Pay off debt

Take care of myself

Learn to manage anger, stress and anxiety

Start saving money

Establish a good study routine

Fit into a size 2-4, and feel good about it

Changes someone’s life

Ignore lazy tendencies, and start a pattern of cleanliness

Limit television

Organize a 5k Race

Plan a vacation

Adopt a 2nd dog

Work to be a better communicator

Religiously track my food intake good or bad

Pay attention to details

Make Logan happier

Help my brother get his drivers license

Be proactive about my health

Pray daily

*Start a garden**IN PROGRESS**

Go as organic as possible

Stop popping my jaw

I have been working on:

Start a garden: I am pleased to announce last night, I made chipotle-esque rice with home made cilantro. I can't say it tasted any better than store bought, but I am incredibly proud of the small garden I've begun. I have started cilantro, chives, basil, jalapenos and tomatoes. I started small. I will be transplanting them soon to the outdoors, and I'm told this is when the real work will start. I bought a book, and am reading and planning my outdoor plot. Two weeks ago, I spent five hours doing yard work, just getting my yard ready and acceptable. This, my friends, is progress-but not complete!

Limit television: We got rid of cable when we moved, so this goal. Complete. Crossing it off. I only watch How I Met Your Mother regularly, and I never have idle time at home to just veg. So I am officially crossing this off the list.

FYI

If my blatant spelling and grammar errors bother you, find a new blog to read. If I'm too lazy to run, I'm too lazy to proofread.

Don't Stop 'Till You Get Enough

Well you have all seen me complain about how hard it is to get back into the routine of regular training, so this post is NOT going to be about that. My life took a lot of turns in the last few months, and I'm starting to fall back into my normal schedule. I can feel it. I had this really awful epiphany the other day. Someone was sitting there asking me about running, and I felt like the biggest hypocrite talking about it. I was embarrassed to even admit that I hadn't been pushing mileage like normal. I felt shame, so I lied. Nothing major, it's not like I was bragging about an 18 miler I did yesterday but I fibbed that I run about 3-5 days a week. Bold face lie. I haven't ran regularly since probably January, so maybe I RAN 3-5 days a week way back when.

So there that is. Do you still respect me? I have lost a little dignity-but not much because let's face it, I'm AWESOME. I started to think that I hadn't really done anything to be proud of that was not work related in the last few months. That sucked. Ew.

Well, bottom line is I had been setting my alarm every morning to get up wicked early to just run. I don't know if it's the fact that it's been cold, or that I'm super tired or that my trail is no longer just a quick jaunt away-but every morning I snooze until I am almost close to being late for work. So I faced the facts: I am not and will never be someone who gets up to get more tired. It's a terrible cycle to schedule your run the morning, skip it and then not have time in the evening to run because you arranged for other things. Definition of insanity right? Continue to do something expecting the same result. I love to run, but I'm also an overworked, exhausted 20-something who loves her cozy bed.

So I finally retired to the idea that if I'm gonna train, I'm gonna train in the evenings. The days are finally getting long enough to have even a little daylight most days by the time I leave work. Last night, it was overcast and started to sprinkle freezing rain but I forced myself. It's so hard get the boulder rolling, especially if that boulder has legit been hibernating and eating pizza and crap for months, but once that boulder is rolling-you can't stop it. See this what ye call a meet-tee-fore and I'm the boulder.

Last night, I asked Goliath if he was up for a RUN! and his little nubbin went-a-waggin. Precious. We piled in the car, and drove to our new trail-yes we have to drive. I'm just not comfortable running there because it would be on city streets, and I can't deal with anxiety cars cause me. I digress, where was I? So we arrive to the trail, get all geared up and walk to the blacktop. It was cold, and it really took everything in me to just CONVINCE myself that I would warm up. I knew I would, but I also knew that my house with tons of blankets and hoodies would be warm, and probably easier. Then I thought, you know what's NOT easy? Being fat and unhappy.

Why the heck am I so bent of finding the easy way out right now? It's a lot easy to be glorified as a runner, but not actually run. It's a lot easier to stay in bed, and not actually run. It's a lot easier to pretend to run, and not actually run. I guess in a lot of respects things are so very difficult for me personally and professionally right now, that I so badly want something easy. No matter how hard I train and how much I love it, running will probably never be easy for me. It may sound really cyclical and incidental, but although hard, running does make my life easier. So it needs to be a priority. I know, I know I've said it before. So it's up to me if I actually do it, but I needs to be. Whether it is or not, is one thing.

Do you miss me?

I know I do.

Do people still read this thing?

Ok, I'm not apologizing for the lack of updating. It's MY bloggaroo.

Reason? My life flipped upside down in two months.

We moved!

The Brutal Truth? My commitment to running has waned, I'm up 10 pounds and just found out my cholesterol sky rocketed (proof exercise maintains healthy HDL/LDL levels)

What can you expect? More from me.